Baila baila

When I got down here I really really wanted to get straight into dance classes. So far that has not happened.
There's a really good studio here, called dance studio of fresno. They have tons of connections with Mia Michaels (my iidoooollll) and Tyce Diorio (second fave choreographer, next to mia michaels of course.). I freaked when I heard about that and I was like oh my gosh I've gotta go there. On the tuesday of my first week of school I went in and talked to the lady who owns it (who is like really good friends with mia michaels or something) and watched one of the classes. The lady who was teaching the class used to be mia michael's assistant and I think she was on so you think you can dance one time cuz she was like.... assisting her. Anyways, the class was hecka good. They were all like crazy good like on their way to so you think you can dance and stuff. I had heard that the studio has a competition contemporary team, and I was really interested in that and I wanted to audition cuz auditions were like the next week. But then the owner pointed out two people in the class who were on the team or were at the level of the team, and I was like oh crap. Cuz they were the best ones. I was super intimidated.
The next week, on thursday, I went in to try a class that was being taught by the owner (Sue). It was a jazz class, and I figured it would be really challenging, but oh man oh man oh man....
First of all, about two minutes into the warmup and I was dying. I hadn't danced in 3 weeks and I was totally not ready for that. I hadn't sweat that much since state season. Like 6 months ago. I seriously just wanted to cry. I looked completely retarded compared to some of the people in that class. Not to mention there was Mr. Ohhotdamn.
His name says it all.
Oh. Hot. Damn. I was in love. I'm just not gonna say his name... but I guess he was probably part black and he was HEEECKA good. He was like super talented and hilarious and he was like doing hip hop in the back of the line during across the floor and I was like ooooooooooh loooooorddyyyy....
I pretty much want to marry him.
But anyways, pretty much everyone in the class was super talented. To be honest I wasn't the worst off. There were two other girls that I thought, well heck, I've got to be at least better than them. But there were a few people where I was like holy crap you're like a million times better than everyone here...
Across the floor was embarrasing. Not everything we did I was completely clueless at, but some stuff I was an absolute fool. There was one move we did where only a few people did it amazing (Mr. Ohhotdamn being one of them...) and most people had a general idea, but then there was some of us (of course including me...) who were like what the heck my body doesn't move that way...
It was this thing that was like half way kind of like a barrel role and I don't know kind of like something else... But it was impossible.
Now, the class was supposed to end at 8:00, but since auditions for their competition teams were starting that weekend they had combined the 6:30 class and the 8:00 class and it was kind of like a class to prep them for auditions. Now I didn't know that that also meant they'd be going twice as long. After across the floor we started learning a variation that wasn't necessarily challenging technique wise, but it was fast and I was only picking up on the first half. Then it got into this turn sequence that ran into these backward runs that were kinda half grand jetes (which I am now obsessed with) and right before the turns is where I'd get lost. (Not to mention Mr. Ohhotdamn was behind me and I was hecka embarrassed...) Right as we were splitting into groups to run the variation I noticed it was 8:35, and I had hecka homework. Also I just wanted a reason to slip out early. I looked outside the door and my mom was there, and I saw my chance to wimp out. I told Sue I had to go and that I didn't know it was running later (which was true cuz I had hecka homework since I was still catching up on the first 3 weeks of school and I really should have gone anyways). She asked if I could just run through the variation once since my group was about to go but I thanked her and said no I have to go, but I would be back to take another class at another time. Yes, partially wimping out, partially wanting to do homework....
I cried on the way home, but tried to hide it by chugging down my waterbottle every time I needed to keep back a burst of tears. I have never been so discouraged in my life. Right then and there I was ready to never go back again and just stop dancing all together. Of course I knew that would be suicide. I had this little pretty happy image in my head of me moving down here and starting studio classes 24-7 and improving so much in the next two years that I'd spend a few more years during college studying and getting really good, auditioning for so you think you can dance, and killing it, or at least having a chance of making it. And you know when you have something like that that you want so badly and in the back of your head you know it's completely unattainable, but still you think about it so much (and it really did consume my mind in the weeks before we moved) that it starts to look completely attainable and like, wow, it's really gonna happen. But man was that dream crushed during that car ride. I knew I had to challenge myself and ya if I wanted all that to happen then I was dumb to think I wouldn't have to go through some stuff like that, but I was just so embarrassed. I should have called Sue and asked her about the class since I took the class as an "examination" class where she would come to a conclusion about whether that is the right level for me, and I should have talked to her about it. But I haven't.
I haven't been back since.
After I got home I got straight in the shower, and for some reason I was strangely optimistic. I guess it was just the endorphins from excercising since I hadn't in a while, but it was better than crying, which I figured I'd be doing. I came to the conclusion that I had to go back and try another class, and I would pick up taking two classes a week until we could afford more, and I'd keep challenging myself and working out more at home until I got to the level of the other dancers. Two days ago, on thursday, I was supposed to go in and try another class. The lady who teaches it is, Sue said, more of an afro-modern dance kinda person. Which I thought would be really cool cuz I loooove afro-modern dance. It would be muuuch different than what I'm used to, and of course very challenging. But I told myself I was gonna make myself go. Then I hurt myself.
Mondays in PE we have to run/walk the mile. The teachers are dumb and they don't have us stretch before or after. So everyone's legs kill. I tried to stretch out my calfs a little cuz the last week my calves had really hurt afterwards and during the mile. But I didn't enough, cuz they hurt again afterwards. That night I woke up in the middle of the night with those kind of calf cramps you get where youre whole bottom leg seizes up and you can't move and the pain is excruuuutiating. The next morning I woke up and I could hardly walk. I tried stretching it and it could barely move at all. I could pretty much walk during the day though it was still super super tense. By wednesday night it was better, but I was still really worried about going to the class. The classes do alot of conditioning for the first like 30-45 minutes, and I really didn't want to hurt it more, cuz it still hurt really bad. My mom thought I was wimping out, but I was concerned. So, I didn't end up going. Now, Sue probably thinks I've wimped out and don't want to take classes and all the dancers are probably like what happened to the sucky new girl.
Great huh.
I plan on going back for another class this week. I don't think I wanna take Sue's monday class again just yet because I don't want to make myself a regular yet cuz I still want to check out a couple other studios. But I will probably go to the thursday one that I missed.

I will probably come home completely discouraged and eat loads of ice cream and whine to my friends about how much I suck and I'll never be good and I hate my life and I'll never make it and blah blah but whatever. I'm gonna make myself go. And it will be good. And I will be optimistic. And I will challenge myself every week no matter how much I don't wanna go. And I will improve. I will improve a ton. And I will take mia michael's class when it comes around. And then years from now when I am on SYTYCD I will say "hey mia michaels, remember when I took your class?" and she will say "yes I do, you were the worst one there." and I will say "Heck ya mia michaels but look at my freaking now." and she will say "you're bomb and I want you to come study with me and be my prodige."

And I will say "yes."

Another thing I was hoping is that there would be some people from buchanan there. I think a couple of them did. Sue kind of embarrassingly introduced me to some people but I don't remember their names and I don't remember what they look like. Though for some reason in two of my classes there's this girl that I think may have been there, cuz I feel like I recognize her from it, but then I also think maybe I just recognize her from class and just think that I recognize her from the dance class.... So I don't know. It's not like anyone's come up to me and been like "hey you were at that dance class"....

So still... I eat lunch alone....
in the library.